Archive for June 14th, 2011
I recently sent a bouquet of flowers to my daughter’s office address in the far-away, distant South of London. I bought them online, and thought no more about the subject. I learned that my gift had arrived, my daughter liked the flowers; and, well, that was that! Or so I thought!
I received a confirmation e-mail thanking me for my order, I received another e-mail telling me that my order had been dispatched; well and good, but now I have three more e-mails from the same company telling me how delighted they were to get my money, and would I fill in a ‘teensy-weeny Ten Minute’ survey on how well they had done by doing their jobs!
If I hadn’t been satisfied with their work, or the flowers had all drooped or died, or any other complication had occurred, I would have been straight on my computer telling them that I was dissatisfied, and probably wanted my money back, but I was happy! So why the bleeding questionnaire; why the interminable quest to get ‘feedback’?
Trouble is, e-mails are too easy to send. If you had to phone, or write a letter to ask if a customer was happy, you probably would not send the damn letter! So why the constant call for reassurance that everything was ‘painless’ and ‘enjoyable’. How silly can a company get? I ordered the flowers, yes; but how was I supposed to feel? Like I had just completed an orgasm? Daft pillocks!
Now listen, like good little people, to Your Master’s Voice!
David Cameron, after listening to a drug-raddled and failed pop star twenty years ago, ensures that we, in addition to giving £9 billion a year to dictators, drug-lords and nations who spend the cash on better fighter-jets than we have; will be giving £840 million that we do not have to ‘save the poor black babies’!
Oh no, this isn’t a U-turn, its a Realignment!
Cameron, Andrew Lansley, together with a Nick Clegg who is grinning from ear to ear in triumph, announces sweeping changes to the NHS reform process.
All in accord with the Rule of Law!
A Bahraini Government spokeswoman stated that all the accused doctors and nurses who were charged with terrorism, aiding and abetting terrorists and being unfriendly to the Bahrain Government were perfectly allright, mo one had been tortured, and they had all had their heads shaved because everyone who was arrested had their heads shaved. She denied that injured people had been pulled from the hospital, adding that they all had declared that the hospital was insanitary! (Well, alright, I did make up the last bit!)
Where’s your Bin? I’ve bin’ down the road!
After much trumpeting about how everyone will get their bins emptied every week, Eric Pickles has caved in to weeping civil servants, and decided the fortnightly pick-up will remain where it has been introduced. Oh, and we are all gonna’ be told how to reduce ‘Waste’, whatever that is!
I see no ships!
A retired Rear Admiral has warned we don’t have enough ships for Libya, EU navy duties and British waters as well! Well, we already knew that; I mean if you scrap the ships we already have, we can’t use them any more!
The Blood Transfusion Service is stating that blood donations are drying up. The homosexual interviewer asked if the policy of denying ‘men who have sex with men’ the right to donate blood was being reviewed? The Blood Transfusion man was too polite to state that, as young homosexuals were 53% more likely to contract HIV and Aids, it wasn’t policy to place possibly-infected blood into patients who didn’t agree with their lifestyle!