Keep a’knockin but ya’can’t come in!!

A very long time back, I was selected, (selected that is on the basis of, “who sits there, does that!) to take part in our Grammar School Nativity Play. Now the play itself was quite a big deal in our school, and every year a single theme was chosen, and although the basics, such as Mary, Joseph, Baby etc. remained as constants, the supporting cast altered according to the master who authored that year’s script!So there I was, all togged out in a very ‘natty’ Roman Centurion’s cloak, uniform etc. including a sword which was just a little bit too long for me, as I was only four foot ten tall when I was fifteen! (Late bloomer or something!) My part, which was of course crucial to the plot, was to send a soldier to demand a room at the inn, and to express annoyance at the very idea of a Roman Centurion being turned away from a warm fire etc.!

So the soldier returns with the bad news that all the rooms are full, and my line was to step forward while saying, “This is the last straw!” Which would normally have worked except that my sword, which I previously mentioned was rather long, caught some hay as I swept it forwards, so that this big clump of hay landed about four feet in front of me after what I do admit was a rather deft curving motion through the air! Of course this particular piece of theatre brought the house down, much to the displeasure of our headmaster, who got up, halted the play and ranted on for about three minutes about the sanctity of the play, and how we weren’t supposed to laugh at a Nativity Play, and on, and on, and on!

The ONLY person to get off ‘scott free’ was me, as I was deemed innocent! Happy days indeed!

“Sun’s up; come on down!”

Visited the South African tourism website, and read all about the wonders of the ‘South African Experience‘.

Pity the site doesn’t also expand upon the 18,000-odd murders committed last year, or the horrific rise in the overall crime rate, or even the profligacy of their so-called Govermment Ministers. Equally deserving of some wider publicity is the new approach to Public Health, for example, or the total disappearance of the ‘shanty-towns’ which were the perennial disgrace of South African cities. They’re still there of course, and much larger, dirtier and infinitely more dangerous, but they are now ‘Informal Settlements’ now, the new South Africa doesn’t have any ‘Shanties’ any more!

Alas with grief, our hearts are riven!!

News just released holds the key to England’s cricketing Test hopes.

 The first document to be sent out over the wires proved to be totally unrealistic, as it contained the following plans for the Melbourne Test:-

 Score lots and lots of runs!  Bowl them all out in double quick time!

Score more runs!!   Bowl the Aussies out again!


But the document was later claimed to be a forgery, as no England team was thought capable of doing the job laid out within the leaked document!

A friendlier way to die!!!

Read an item about the food which is served to our kids, and how the meat is ‘halal’ which is fanatic-speak for animals who have died through having their throats cut and allowed to bleed out. This charming practice which is held in high esteem by muslims and jewish people alike, is in contradiction to the usual strict animal laws operating within Britain, and they are allowed to get away with it because it’s to do with their religion!

So the average UK parent, is unknowingly pledging a silent allegiance to either Juda-ism or Islam, because the school crowd haven’t told anyone that it’s well, sort of ‘one size fits all’, so like it or lump it!!!


So you’re queer, and you’re out, and lo-and-behold, no-one gives a damn! At the same time, two lesbian friends of yours come out at the same time, and what’s more, t hey decided to ‘tie the knot’ at the same time and place you do! You feel all warm and ‘glowy’ inside! But you don’t neglect the financial aspects, because you now are covered against the despoliation of your savings by the ‘Wicked Baron Grumpy Brown’ whose big axe with the ‘chancellor’ engraved down the haft would otherwise have come calling for a 40% slice of your home and savings if one of you kicked the bucket!

So, all’s well that ends well? Not so? Why are you unhappy? Because you’ve just found out that two really old ladies, sisters nearly in their nineties are gonna’ get slammed by that very same ‘Grumpy Brown’ because they aren’t covered by that legislation! That’s New Labour, good to their Bent Friends, like Passport Mandy; but really stern on the unfortunate people who just don’t fit into their little pigeon-holes properly!!