What’s it all about, Alfie?

It is alleged that whilst little Alfie ******* is definitely not the father of tiny Maisie, the reason why he was so definite about her parentage pre-DNA test was because he was not using the most modern form of contraception, namely ‘The Bucket’. 

As can be seen from previous photos, the tyke is only four foot tall, and when he was getting to grips with his much taller girlfriend, he was standing on a bucket.

The Contraceptive Device?

Simple, really; when his face goes red, she kicks the bucket out from under his feet!.