“390,000 Jedis There Are”

The National Census is coming ever nearer, and I wish that I could argue like this!

I detest the very idea of a census, and intend to either leaving everything blank, or fill up every space with loads of rubbish. The idea of claiming membership of an invented religion such as the Jedi appeals, but unfortunately it has already been appropriated by NutCases Anonymous.

I do not honestly know why a Government nominally known as partly Tory has not abolished the very idea of a census, although accepting that any Labour government salivates at the very notion of listing everyone, and placing them in their little socialistic boxes. With the advent of computerisation, the listing is of course ever easier, as long as the software doesn’t contain a built-in virus, and the operating system hasn’t been compromised by an American hacker looking for evidence of life in Westminster.

Yes.S.S., I’ve Won; But….

As I am not requiring anonymity at any stage, I would first of all like to state that winning this extremely large amount of money will change my life completely. I have been a loyal follower and of course buyer of Lottery tickets for years, and apart from the usual miserly ten or five pounds set apart by months, I have won absolutely nothing of any significance up to the present date. So, as I plan to buy a large bungalow up here in Durham, with another sited strategically down South to facilitate extremely regular Grandad visits, you can expect a rush of enjoyment to colour any and all postings both on my own site as well as here on ATW.

I will not be buying a motor cruiser or a yacht, as I can always hire one when needed. My transportation needs will be filled by an Audi R8 for my own use, with either a Range Rover de luxe edition or an uprated Volvo XC90 for family travel, as I need to carry a wheelchair for my wife’s use. I’m thinking about buying a Mini-Cooper for going to the shops, as the Audi is just a little bit ‘in their face’, and I don’t want to upset the locals.

I will of course be selecting only the best of audio hi-fi equipment for my wife and myself, as music is one of our lasting loves. There is a query there of course, in the choice of systems. whether to go for a solid-state amplifier system, or one based on valve equipment, but I am sure to make the correct decision. I anticipate spending double whatever is required, as of course we shall have two homes to completely furnish.

As ever, there is only one, no, not a problem; those such as I prefer to call it a challenge. I have been advised of my enormous good fortune by the Payments Director of Camelot Plc (GB) as winner in the Best Voluntary and Charity Project Category, and will be issued with a Star prize of 1,750,000.00GBP  and a Gold Member Patek Philippe Sky Moon Tourbillon wrist watch worth$1.3 million.

The challenge is that I’ve mislaid all the documentation on my charity, and despite looking through at least three files, cannot locate anything. Suggestions please?

X-posted from a Tangled Web