World Exclusive!!

British involvement in French plot to de-stabilise International Monetary Fund is unveiled! This writer can reveal, through extraordinary contacts based in Swindon and Hounslow, that the rape charges against Dominique Strauss-Kahn are in fact part of an extraordinary plot by the One World Government for the ruin of the EuroZone project, and the collapse of Greece, Portugal and Ireland into ruined debtor nation-status.

Extraordinary make-up techniques, services of the voice coach who helped Kate Middleton speak so clearly and without hesitation when making her wedding vows, and laser-based technology were all pressed into the plot which transformed a burly, greying, one-eyed Scottish ex-politician into a diminutive Puerto Rican hotel employee who rushed into the bathroom of the IMF’s head man, screamed and rushed out after grabbing the Frenchman’s wig which was lying on the dresser while the man took a shower!

New York policemen were completely taken in by ‘Wee Gordon McBroon’ as she (he) stood, dressed in the fetching standard hotel uniform, tearfully complaining about the strange naked man who rushed after her (him) as she (he) had been going about her (his) job of straightening dirty sheets before re-making the bed as is standard practice in hotels all around the world. Upon receipt of the allegations, the financial leader was taken off the Airbus 380 he had boarded at a run, and arrested.

The actual leader of the plot, President Sarkozy, smiled broadly whilst denying any involvement whatsoever in the downfall of his chief rival for the forthcoming elections!