Injunctions R’ Us presents another ‘Exclusive’!


The heading usually means that no-one else could be bothered to print it; but this time it is different!

I can reveal that the paranoid Russian idiot Romantic Wozzabrimovich is the proud possessor of his very own Super-Injunction, which tries to stop everyone from confirming that he is a paranoid, football-crazed idiot with delusions of grandeur.

After splashing out humoungous amounts of cash, and getting himself a warning letter from his bank-manager that he has to be careful, as he is down to only four super-yachts and a very, very, very expensive replacement wife; with only a few hundreds of millions of the money left which he previously stole from the old USSR; he watched in raw anger as his football team, recently-renamed ‘NotShellsea United’ so as to distinguish them from all the other foreign-owned Premier league football clubs, lost any chance of winning anything this year at all.

His week-end was further ruined with the arrival of an e-mail from one of his team’s former managers, whose name rhymes with ‘Sardinho’, with the message asking, “Miss me lots already?”

The senior Judge complied with the request from the team of six-hundred and ninety-two lawyers, and issued the Hyper-Super-Extra Injunction, which ensures that no-one will be allowed to know it exists, even Romantic himself and especially his very, very, very expensive wife, as she was planning to go shopping on Sunday and buy New Bond Street!

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