Now listen, like good little people, to Your Master’s Voice!
David Cameron, after listening to a drug-raddled and failed pop star twenty years ago, ensures that we, in addition to giving £9 billion a year to dictators, drug-lords and nations who spend the cash on better fighter-jets than we have; will be giving £840 million that we do not have to ‘save the poor black babies’!
Oh no, this isn’t a U-turn, its a Realignment!
Cameron, Andrew Lansley, together with a Nick Clegg who is grinning from ear to ear in triumph, announces sweeping changes to the NHS reform process.
All in accord with the Rule of Law!
A Bahraini Government spokeswoman stated that all the accused doctors and nurses who were charged with terrorism, aiding and abetting terrorists and being unfriendly to the Bahrain Government were perfectly allright, mo one had been tortured, and they had all had their heads shaved because everyone who was arrested had their heads shaved. She denied that injured people had been pulled from the hospital, adding that they all had declared that the hospital was insanitary! (Well, alright, I did make up the last bit!)
Where’s your Bin? I’ve bin’ down the road!
After much trumpeting about how everyone will get their bins emptied every week, Eric Pickles has caved in to weeping civil servants, and decided the fortnightly pick-up will remain where it has been introduced. Oh, and we are all gonna’ be told how to reduce ‘Waste’, whatever that is!
I see no ships!
A retired Rear Admiral has warned we don’t have enough ships for Libya, EU navy duties and British waters as well! Well, we already knew that; I mean if you scrap the ships we already have, we can’t use them any more!
The Blood Transfusion Service is stating that blood donations are drying up. The homosexual interviewer asked if the policy of denying ‘men who have sex with men’ the right to donate blood was being reviewed? The Blood Transfusion man was too polite to state that, as young homosexuals were 53% more likely to contract HIV and Aids, it wasn’t policy to place possibly-infected blood into patients who didn’t agree with their lifestyle!