World semi-exclusive!

As a dedicated observer of the ludicrous ways of modern lives and times, I can now state, categorically, that a new definition for the term ‘DeeerJeezus!’ has made its way onto the pages of our national daily newspapers. 

Readers, I give you the real reason why this man absented himself from the ‘North Sea Country Club’ a.k.a. H.M. North Sea Camp Prison, and occupied a ‘luxury suite’ at the Cley Hall Hotel, which advertises itself as being conveniently located to enjoy Spalding’s Georgian historical town centre only 4 minutes’ walk, this fenland market town offers intriguing shops, restaurants and bars and the Springfield outlet village only minutes away.

Note the evidence of extreme intellect, the total shunning of popular digital technology for self-advertisement, the modest and self-effacing dress and manner of the woman behind Doug Ward’s need to absent himself from prison so urgently. It is rumoured, though these rumours remain unconfirmed, that she had commented  on the discussions in a learned paper which dissected lateral vibrations and damping techniques on bridge structures in London.

awardofcourtSome may say I am being unkind to the woman in the photograph, but, hey, she rings Douglas’ bells; and that, folks, is what makes it worth the 15 months extra sentence in an ordinary slammer.

Choccies; but not Booze!

So you are a Quaker, living life according to the strictures of your beliefs in the late 19th Century. You are also a member of a very successful Cadbury family which has made, marketed and perfected cocoa and chocolate products. To keep and allow for the welfare of your workforce, you build an entire village to house them; you allow for green spaces, shops, places of religion; but the one thing not allowed in your idea of the perfect work/life balance is alcohol.

So Bournville village has remained almost cast in aspic for the past 120-odd years; with every attempt at breaking the booze embargo defeated at the first step.

But times are hard in Bournville, as the Cadbury workforce has been whittled down after the Kraft take-over (that one where they piously stated there would be absolutely no redundancies, before firing half the staff in the next year), and the owner of the local shop has decided that one way to boost his flagging profits would be to commence selling the odd gallon of Stella, or the odd case of vodka to bereft and booze-starved locals, not many of which are actually Quakers themselves.

Now far be it from me to even comment upon another’s motives, or even beliefs; but his name is Kamal Sharma, his name and picture make me believe he is a Muslim, (basing this statement upon the ‘duck’ preposition; in that if it walks like a duck….etc) and didn’t we read something just t’other day about Muslims not being able to even touch a can of booze, never mind sell it?

Just imagine that!

Strangely enough, I am not a fan of the present Pope. He gives off the impression of saying the right thing, etc., but to me, he also represents  a political leader who wishes to be all things to all men. As the spiritual leader of six million believers, he also seems to be something of a scientist, with definite views on such esoteric subjects as Climate Change to feel able to preach that immediate action is necessary to counter the ‘immediate threat’. He also feels it necessary to congratulate the Catholic Bishops as they continue to acquiesce in the wholesale breaking of Immigration Law, as the swarm of Latino migrants grows ever larger.

But I do wonder why this most political of Popes, while it being feversishly confirmed he has not adopted such outlandish causes as his homelands claim to to the Falkland Islands, was persuaded to hold a Malvinas poster, and bingo: the killer photo! I mean to say, the man can read, and he seemed to be listening quite intently to the (presumably) Argentinian and therefore very Malvinas-friendly people surrounding him. All he had to do was reject the poster, but, no, he both took it and held it; knowing that photographers from around the world catch every single motion he makes. Presumably a 99.8% poll outcome amongst the Falkland Islanders wasn’t sufficient to make the case, but an Argentinean President who is suffering from a massive decline in popularity might make him swing towards her viewpoint.

As for his reception at the United Nations, I do wonder how this man of God managed to keep his face straight whilst some so-called pop singer massacred John Lennon’s famously anti-religious song ‘Imagine’ with those telling words of the lyric which go:-

Imagine there’s no heaven It’s easy if you try

No hell below us Above us only sky

Nothing to kill or die for, And no religion too

Imagine all the people, Living life in peace…..

Nothing to kill or die for: and no religion too!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to New York, Your Holiness!

A digital equivalent to Van Gogh

I admire creativity above many things. Especially creativity in the things which make me smile, for therein lies the ideal of the mind behind the advertisement. Who does not remember the small girl with those amazing eyes who features in that advert for Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital? Or that superb advert for a Ford car with the small boy kicking the rear fender, and watching the door lift up to to reveal a big stuffed bear,and the amazing smile on the small boy’s face!!

When my kids were very small, I came home from work to find that, unknown to my wife who was napping, my two small sons had opened a large tin of liquid adhesive, and succeeded in slowly pouring it all over my second son’s head and body. I spent the next half-hour peeling large strips of fast-drying plasticky adhesive off my small son’s head, shoulders and chest, alternating with my loud laughter and cuddles.

I present an advert for a building society which seemed to me to be the pinnacle of creativity, of a photograph which literally was taken at just the optimum moment, in that which father or grandfather does not immediately take his mind’s eye back to a time when all was truly innocent, and fun, and no-one could do anything but smile, and cuddle that child to your very heart; in the knowledge that those times would be over too, too soon!

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You can fool all the people…..

………..some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time………….Abe Lincoln.

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Looks like Old Abe was wrong, but hey; they probably class the former President as a current occupant of the Great Satan’s leadership anyway! But I bet the Economist wishes it hadn’t run that particular piece, with that particular headline, in this particular week!

Footnote.

As Saudi’s take from all the oil they pump grows steadily smaller, it seems as though cash from all the Hajj pilgrims turns out to be a nice little earner. As all devout Muslims are supposed to make the pilgrimage at least once, and the sale of visas, travel documents, and the accomodating of over two-odd million true believers, (or as I prefer to call them, ‘the really thick’); the ongoing cash, which must run in to billions, comes in really handy when times are hard.

Rev. W. Awdry loses Tender bid for HS2 works.

I was composing a piece about George Osborne, China, trade and HighSpeed2, when I remembered a Post which I wrote about David Cameron, China, trade, and Taiwan. I realised that, by swapping Osborne’s name for Cameron, I might not need to write another story, as it applies in just about all criteria, excepting HighSpeed2.

However, when has coincidence stopped a writer from venting his spleen against stupid and silly plans and politicians?

I noted that George Osborne is planning to invite Communist Chinese companies with High Speed Rail expertise to tender for works on the infrastructure side of HS2. I wonder what special expertise the Communist Chinese might have in boring tunnels, building bridges and knocking things down which we, in Great Britain, don’t possess already? I reckon they just might have a better chance of timely completion in certain technical areas than we do here in England, but maybe that was just a hiccup!