Interflora shares fall off cliff!

We are confidently informed that the presence of a twenty two-odd mile wide stretch of water keeps us from the horrors which traversed the Promenade des Anglais in Nice a few evenings ago. The Security Service spokesman stated that our ‘Prevent’ strategy worked, and no way would a truck and trailer mow down hundreds on the streets of our cities.

There is, however, yet another reason why the deadly truck driver would be thwarted: we must ask ourselves to remember the last time we saw anyone walking along a beach parade; or anywhere else for that matter, in the evening; seeing as it is nearly always raining, or about to rain; or indeed just finished raining.

Imagine that:rescued from a Muslim terror onslaught by the British weather, of all things!