Do unto others; as you do unto your own…

Dear Mr. Mundell,


Just because you subscribe to, and commend the practice of, pushing your penis into another man’s (or men’s) anus (arsehole to the unsophisticated, such as I) as opposed to what I would term normal heterosexual sex when making love, doesn’t mean that it is either acceptable, or indeed suitable, for those British subjects who live in the Province of Northern Ireland.


The Democratic Unionist Party M.P.s, along with the vast majority of DUP members in the Province, subscribe to the philosophy that, whilst homosexual perversions have now been legalised within England, Scotland and Wales, it would indeed be a frosty Friday before actions and Acts which win the approval of the Gay Mafia (Westminster & Edinburgh Branches) will win approval within a deeply religiously conservative  population such as that in Northern Ireland.


So, why don’t you peddle your predilections in amongst your own arsehole brethren, and leave Northern Ireland to the grown-ups who actually live there?