I note the headlines surrounding the attack upon worshippers who were emerging from the Finsbury Park Mosque. I also note the slight but subtle differences between the bloke behind the white van’s steering wheel, and just about every other terrorist attack apportioned to the followers of that particular religion. The following are merely discussion points; and definitely not the subject of any investigation whatsoever!

  • He was definitely aiming to kill Muslims; but strangely enough, he wasn’t willing to die for his cause, whatever that may have been. He was not seemingly equipped to follow up his attack by arming himself with knives, automatic weaponry or explosives. He wasn’t fanatic enough to die for his weird beliefs, as most Muslim terrorists have already, rather bloodily, demonstrated.
  • He may well have been suffering from some mental illness; but heaven forfend his prospects if his computer access is found to have been near, for example, any ISIS site (to gather homely tips on ending infidels lives by burning them alive, or slicing their heads clean off their necks, perhaps), or a visit to any one of the websites proclaiming the Caliphate (just visiting to get an idea of the enemy) or even worse, a British National Party website; (In which case we would be urged just to forget the trial, re-instate Capital Punishment just for the weekend, and utilise a six-foot drop to cheer ourselves up).
  • If that same search reveals even an abortive search for words such as ‘Mein Kampf’, the investigators will probably close the computer and burn it, as it probably holds a filthy plot not only to eradicate Jews as well as Muslims, but to install the owners of the Stormfront website as the leaders of the New World Order.
  • He might have been navigating London’s streets whilst delivering pizza on a time basis, and suddenly came upon a bunch of worshippers blocking his path and…well!
  • Pontyclun Village will soon be inundated, with Counter-terror police, GCHQ investigators, Women’s Institute volunteers, R.S.P.C.A inspectors and squadrons of the Household Cavalry as investigations get underway, as the van was hired from that village; to pin and identify the real terror planners as members of the vicious underground Bethel Baptist Chapel’s Defence Leagues, notorious for their defiant singing of Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau  when the bloody English keep winning at Cardiff Arms Park.


In another world exclusive, I can reveal that Emily Thornberry, Labour’s Shadow Foreign Secretary (a.k.a Lady Nugee, wife to the High Court Judge; but still just one of the proletariat) is petitioning the Home Secretary for the banning of all white van drivers aiming to pass within a mile of any mosque, or alternatively Imams’ homes, on the basis that they are all planning an attack. Lady Nugee already has form in this area, as was demonstrated during the election before last.

I would also comment upon the never-ending calls for Minutes of Silence. It was and is a sad fact that these people have died; but what is the point of everybody being asked to stay Schtum for a minute?


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