This reporter has had it confirmed that the missile explosions which caused the Ukrainian jet to crash was the unfortunate result of ‘crossed wires’ between Iran’s Leader, and a minor official in the Iranian Defence Intelligence Department.
Iran’s Supreme leader, the holy man Ali Khamenai sat in his air-conditioned home, sipping from a glass of Petrus 1961, (valued at +_ $60,000.00 a bottle). All was content with his world, and of course, his Revolution. He smiled as he reviewed the happenings of the past days. He had, by signalling through totally private channels to his worst enemy, America’s Trump, that his virtual second-in-command, Iranian General Qasem Soleiman, was arriving at Baghdad’s International Airport. He knew that the Americans would do exactly what he envisaged, which was to kill the General with a drone strike. They knew that Soleiman was getting too big for his boots, and the old Iranian cleric had already heard that the General was planning a strike, not at the Great Satan, but instead at the inner core of Iran’s nuclear energy and nuclear materials leadership, and installing himself at the head. He had gotten rid of a big problem, and of course, by laying all the blame at the feet of the Great Satan, America was viewed as the ‘bad guy’, and he was free and clear. ‘Fair enough’, he mused, America was to be metaphorically punished, and the agreed number of missiles were to be aimed and indeed fired, at empty spaces in two of America’s bases in Iraq.
But his evening was rudely interrupted as an official from Iran’s Intelligence Service delivered the results of a secret investigation which had investigated the many Western airlines visiting Iran, and their attitude towards Iran’s restrictions on the serving and use of alcohol within Iranian airspace. He saw the proof, that the Ukrainian National Airline had been observed to be serving large measures of whisky and vodka as soon as the pilots switched off the ‘seatbelt’ sign as they left the confines of the airport. “This airline,” he snarled, “These idolators must be punished; and punished severely. They must be taught a cruel and rapid lesson. This carrier of idolators must be dealt a savage blow.”
We now understand that the official contacted the nearest missile defence regiment, and confirmed that the Ayatollah himself had decreed that Flight PS752 was to be targeted and scanned with missile radar beams locked on, as the Leader wished them to be very frightened. It was later discovered that the whole Regiment was already on heightened alert status because the salvo of missiles, being readied to be fired at bases in Iraq as the ‘punishment’ for the general’s assassination by the American missile was being readied, and a missile crew corporal just got the wrong message. He ordered the release and firing of two Russian-made and supplied missiles, and the rest is history.
Iran will never admit to the mistake, clinging instead to the usual meaningless ‘technical malfunction’. They will partially wipe any incriminating evidence from the flight recorders. The screaming headlines from the world’s press will never be allowed to surface in that truly unhappy nation. No compensation will ever be paid to the relatives of those killed by mistake.
The Ayatollah was aid to be considering opening another bottle of that Petrus vintage.