The futile ‘Commission to explore Equality’

Futile? Not a bit, the Commission Head  isn’t even appointed yet, the terms of reference are not even considered: but I can tell you what will become of this ill-advised flummery.

The newly-discussed Commission will be comprised of Black, Indian, Carribbean, Asian members, with a token white bloke, who will be seated in another building and fed snippets of information, but fed only just above starvation levels. This because the White Majority have had it all their own way for far too long, and besides which, for all the centuries, White men were complicit in the slavery trade anyway, and they now must learn who is ‘Boss’ in this racist Land.

The  Commission will sit, not for just six months, but probably six years, because there’s been an awful lot of ‘White Privilege’, and we (the Commission) will need to hear an awful lot of evidence.

But, in order that the public not get too restive, while we (the Commission) try to wangle our way past the immutable truth that, without the assistance of whole tribes of Black people in Africa, there wouldn’t have been any Black slaves to be sold at Auction in Virginia, Arkansas and Louisiana: we will present our findings in advance, as we already know what we want:—

  • All statues of white men and women to be taken down immediately. It doesn’t matter who they were, or what they represented, to  the Black and Minority Ethnic Communities; they are racist symbols, and they just have to go.
  • The Albert Memorial. Once the statue has been removed, a statue of Bill Cosby should replace it, as he, above all, is a symbol of how wrong White people can be about Black people.
  • All Blue Plaques shall be removed, and once we find some Black people who should be remembered, their names will be installed on those spots.
  • All Private Schools shall be forced to include Black students  as part of their apologies to the BAME community; up to a total of half the student intake.This is because it is a fact of life that 90% of Black students come from deprived and underprivileged backgrounds, and therefore are deserving of better education than  their White counterparts. Their fees will all  be paid by the State, as will their upkeep. The Private Schools have been chosen because the State Education system is crap! They don’t need to include any Asian, Chinese or Indian students as it is well known that these categories will win their own places, paid for by their own families.
  • All Universities will, henceforth, select at least half their undergraduate intake from only Black minority backgrounds, as the Commission understands that this decision is needed to  tell Black families that their decades of misery are understood. Their fees will all  be paid by the State, as will their upkeep. 
  • Henceforth, all young Black men, who are stopped and searched by the Police, and are found to be carrying bladed weapons, shall be allowed to walk free. This is primarily because they will be allowed to use, as a recognised defence, the ‘Dominic Cummings’ Queen’s Gambit Declined’ statement of,I was scared, and sought to protect myself by carrying an unlawful bladed weapon”’. The ONLY time when this ‘Defence’ fails is when a victim’s blood, confirmed by a DNA test is found, fresh, on the blade; within one hour of the arrest.
  • Similarly, all young and older Black men shall not be arrested for the possession of any Scheduled Drug, no matter how large the quantity or type; because it is well known and accepted that, as their ancestors used drugs, so  should they.
  • All files, books and especially records of how, once the Slave Trade was repealed in Great Britain, the Royal Navy was supremely successful in sweeping the slavers’ ships off the seas, of rescuing and freeing the slaves they found; shall be delivered to the Commission’s place of working, so that they be burnt, primarily because it really didn’t happen like that; and because it was all lies. We read ‘1984’ as well as you, Bro’.
  • The  Board of Directors of all Listed Companies shall, within three months, make sure that a majority of directors shall be from the BAME sector, and also give all BaME employees an immediate 15% pay rise.

Further statements will be forthcoming, once we (the Commission) work out and agree what we want, but we feel must include the forced removal of white families from their big houses, so that poor underprivileged Black families can be placed in those same big houses.