This is a Public Service broadcast.

Residents and visitors to Manchester are warned that a large procession of attention-seeking clowns (minus costumes) are expected to be driven through a large portion of Manchester’s main streets today. The smiles, surgically installed on all those processing, are guaranteed to demonstrate the sheer joy at being exhibited to those who, willingly or unwillingly; funded their exertions over the years which culminated in the Rio Olympics.


Travellers are warned that large numbers of camera phones will be used along the length of this parade, and the ambulances have been alerted to be able to carry off those participants who are either photo-sensitive, or embarrassed.


The corporate logos of all the companies whose products were so instrumental in the winning of those medals will not be carried, as Roche, Merck, Glaxo-Kline and Johnson&Johnson refused to pay the truly exorbitant sums demanded by Team GB. Some ‘athletes’ were happy at this news, as they didn’t wish for the news to emerge that most of the medals were won on a combination of fraud, medical interference; along with plain, straight-forward doping!

The whole farce will be transferred to Trafalgar Square tomorrow, where ever more squeals of false delight shall be recorded. Residents of both cities are advised to remain calm, as the turmoils and queues will be resolved, and normal stagnation levels will return as soon as possible.

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