The Winners Write The History Books

The following is an imagined interview with a Chinese politician. It was written hopefully to be included in an Afghanistan 2050 roundtable view in a blog which I have long read named Chicago Boyz. I append it for, hopefully, your amusement and entertainment.

Dateline April 17th 2050

Jiang Lu Wan, Administrator of the Elphinstone Administrative Area of the Chinese People’s Republic sat back, smiled expansively, and welcomed me to the first in-depth interview granted by him to any Western reporter visiting the now pacified Administrative Area, as the former Afghanistan is now named. In the fifteen years since the overthrow of the old warring regimes, when the Muslim warlords who had systematically corrupted, stripped and defiled the former Afghanistan were defeated. Also after the earlier departure of the sorry remnants of the Allied war machine which had so foolishly taken their eyes off the geo-political ball after their stunning success when the Taliban were stripped of power. The Chinese were at last ready to talk about the Nation which had been the area of the ‘Jihadi Wars’ of the decade between 2015-2025; and of the progress of the Chinese governance of the Area.

During the negotiations which led to my interview with Administrator Jiang, I had been advised to take note of certain lines of query or questions which would jeopardise the progress of the interview. Items such as any reference or query to rumoured genocidal events in Administrative Area No 17, otherwise known as Tibet, would be firmly off limits, as would any query or mention of the Fifty-Fourth State of the United States of America, formerly known as Taiwan.

The Bush ‘war on terror’ doctrine was of course keenly studied in the War Colleges of Beijing, the Administrator told me, and the successes as well as the failures were routinely documented and war-gamed, he told me, so as to fully understand the philosophies behind the strategies, and thus to develop both strategies to counter the failings of the ‘War’, as well as to bolster those aspects which had been successful. “We accepted,” the Administrator stated, “that eventually order had to be restored in what has always been a historical Chinese area of influence, going back for more than sixteen centuries. We watched with keen interest the reaction of the Capitalist-Imperialist forces as the subterfuge and deceptions worked so magnificently; when the Twin Towers were demolished by the very-well financed and equipped mercenary teams of the Capitalist Multi-nationals. We definitely were impressed as we saw for the first time the remote control guidance equipment set up on the three target aircraft working so well.”

He paused as he gauged my reaction to a Western secret exposed for the first time. “Just as we could sympathise with the errors which allowed the passengers to overcome the mercenary team on the fourth aircraft which crashed in Pennysylvania. We also admired the manner in which the blame for the atrocity was so quickly placed upon a band of savages who couldn’t even carry out a car-bombing successfully! We accepted that the Elphinstone Administrative Area had passed into the Western sphere of influence, and our nature being one of passive acceptance of RealPolitik, decided that the West had won this round, and magnificently so. We knew, from our informants within the United States at the time of 9/11, as your Western press named it, that the target all along was Afghanistan, because of the vast mineral wealth uncovered by the secret surveys undertaken by CIA-led geological teams as far back as 1985, and we also watched as successive American Administrations, to use another western term, ‘screwed things up completely’!

The ruler of the former Afghanistan paused as tea was served, then continued: “We in China have always played ‘the long game’ as it is termed in western diplomatic circles. Once we realised that American oil and right-wing interests had twisted the usually-astute President George W. Bush into an ill-planned and under-resourced invasion of Iraq by the American military, alongside the pitiful remnants of a once-mighty British military machine sent with the connivance of our very good friend Tony Blair, we watched as history was replayed before our eyes. We saw the re-deployment of brigade after brigade from the fields, plains and mountains of the-then Afghanistan to the fighting and destruction in Iraq. The further withdrawal of most of the Allied invasion forces gave heart to the revived Taliban, who were then further revived by massive injections of assistance from the Pakistani I.S.I.”

I raised my hand to interject a question, but the Administrator waved my query aside. “We watched as the flower of America’s military might was wasted in Iraq, and then again in Afghanistan. We thought that you had learned the lessons of history in Vietnam, but we were truly perplexed when America, instead of obliterating the corrupt and totally-amoral President who literally and openly stole the presidential election, gave him instead recognition, money and power. You in the West also gave semi-legitimacy to the huge industry which was heroin, a close cousin to the opium which the British used to spread decay and humiliation in the China of Victorian times!” For the first time since our interview began, the bland smile of the Administrator was wiped off his lips, and a tightening of those same lips gave an indication of the distaste felt by the Chinese for those times long ago when Imperial China was routinely humiliated by Colonial Ambassadors, backed up by their overwhelming military and naval superiority!

“Administrator Jiang,” I asked, “What now for the Elphinstone Area?”

The Chinese politician’s face had resumed its bland smile, as he replied, “Once the Central Committee had determined that we should act against the warlords, and in doing so reclaim our ancient responsibility and suzerainty over the Area we named Elphinstone, our military planners brought out Operation Longbow, which was, as you may remember, the invasion by Peoples Liberation Army paratroop divisions into Kabul, Kandahar, Herat, Mazar-el-Sharif, followed by massive reinforcements by our fleet of Airbus 385’s which were so conveniently sold to us by E.A.D.S. in Europe at a discount for volume! We then pushed six shock armies, comprising tank and mobile artillery divisions along the Tadjikistan border, fanning out from the narrow corridor into the whole country and brought a certain harmony to the entire country in thirty days.”

“We do not accept the stories retailed by certain of the former rulers that we initiated reprisals against the civilian population, nor do we acknowledge that there was any resistance to our advance. The population accepted the return of firm but fair rule, and in most cases our armies were welcomed as a valued replacement for the corruption, venality and ferocity of the old religion-based rulers. Our one regret was that the Pakistan Government did not take note of our firm stance against their continued help for the remnants of the Muslim warlord armies, but they saw sense after a one megaton neutron warhead wiped most of the reinforcement build-up off the map!”

He paused while sipping from the delicate cup, “Over the next ten years, we oversaw a huge investment in roads and rail transportation, together with a corresponding investment in colleges and universities. We gave the inhabitants of the Area the first chance in one hundred years to avail themselves of the advantages of tertiary education, and once we had informed the remaining religious leaders that their strictures against education for young women would be and were dealt with firmly; they accepted that whilst they might run their religious practices as they saw fit, they would not be allowed to interfere with the educational aspirations of half of the population.

The alleged mass-migration of Han Chinese has not happened, and while there are many migrants from mainland China into the Area, they receive no advantageous arrangements because they are Han. We routinely allow many of the Elphinstone Area students to attend Western universities, and when they return to be re-united with their families, are able to contrast the free lives they are able to lead either in mainland China or in the Administrative Area with the repressive regimes practising in many of the so-called Western Democracies.”

I asked him, “Administrator Jiang, how far along is the development of the Area’s natural resources? And to what extent does the Area benefit from those resources?”

The Chinese politician’s smile grew wider, as he thoughtfully passed a few documents in front of him; “The premise of your query is faulty; mainly because you seem to believe that whatever is found under the Area belongs to the Area. The Elphinstone area is, and always will be, an integral part of mainland China, and as such what mineral wealth is discovered should be regarded as China’s. We have developed many areas, and have sunk trial wells and boreholes searching for all types of geological wealth. Obviously, a portion of the proceeds must of necessity remain within the Area, to provide for such investment as is necessary, but the Chinese people, all the people, come before any particular location!”

“Administrator Jiang, it is rumoured that your Committee will be allowing private companies and corporations to open up within the Area over the next year, much as you have already done to everyone’s great benefit within mainland China. Is this true, and to what extent will the indigenous population be allowed to take part in this experiment?”

“The Central Committee has approved such plans, with the caveat that all companies have, to begin with, a majority of Han on each board of directors. This is simply because the indigenous population have no history of large-scale commercial operations, and they need to be guided by their Han brethren for some time before a ‘laissez-faire’ attitude can be adopted.”

“Administrator Jiang, I see that my interview time is running down; one final question if I may? British readers, as well as British politicians, do not seem to understand why you, the People’s Republic of China, named the Area after an obscure English soldier?”

“We in China place great weight upon the lessons of history, and as in 2003 you in the West triumphed by a masterful plan, you should also remember that your Major-General Elphinstone commanded in Kabul in 1841; he was himself looked upon as ‘the most incompetent soldier who ever became general’ in the words of his contemporaries.’ We constantly remind ourselves of the mistakes others made, and therefore resolve not to make the same mistakes ourselves!”

“Administrator Jiang, thank you for your consideration in giving this interview.”

As The Man Said…..

  1. Why did you start The Thug Report? Simple answer: I thought the domain name was funny, and discovered that it was available. Serious answer: I felt that there was a need to call the public’s attention to the broad incidence and consequences of urban crime. Large swaths of nearly every city in America are virtually uninhabitable because they are cesspools of crime and violence. The majority of those living there are law abiding and hard working, but they are held hostage or driven out by a criminal few. The Thug Report exists to raise public awareness of this fact, so that we’ll start thinking about what can be done to change it.
  2. What’s your point? The point is simple: Urban crime isn’t an occasional incident or a geographically isolated phenomenon, it’s something that happens constantly, in every city in America. Yes, there are occasional incidents of violent crime in rural areas and suburbs. But nowhere else in America compares with the war zone that is the inner city.
  3. Why do you only show black criminals? If you are asking this, you just picked the wrong day to visit. We post stories and photos of urban crime perps, regardless of race. Plenty of white criminals have had the dishonor of appearing on the site. However, because blacks are far more likely to commit urban crime, they are also far more likely to appear here.

Who’s Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

I always find it difficult to remain objective when writing about British Labour Unions, mainly due to the fact that I routinely detest their very existence. I am not denying their usefulness, especially in bygone days, when the working man was discriminated against in a big way by both employers and the State. But we, the commentators, the thinkers, people who both think and act, by our writings, by our very stance, should at least protest at the way that well-intentioned institutions have been suborned into well-funded mouthpieces for both hard-line Left-Wing and Communist style verbiage and propaganda.


The original intentions behind the birth of the Labour Union movement was to attempt to negotiate, through solidarity, better conditions for those workforces the union represented. It was a noble endeavour, and in many ways, succeeded. The struggle for acceptance was long, hard and sometimes dangerous, but it should never be forgotten that the early Union pioneers had the well-being in mind not only of the workers they represented, but also the owners and employers, because they shrewdly understood that a rich man could simply shut up shop and move elsewhere if too much pressure was placed on him from a ‘wages’ or ‘conditions’ standpoint.


Yes, many grievous wrongs were righted, and yes, it is logical for negotiations to be carried out between employer and workers’ representatives, but the Union movement has carried out a ‘sea change’ both in the manner of their operations, and in the manner of their thinking. Various amalgamations and shrinkages have occurred within the Union movement, with the result being that the majority of Trade Unions are led and represented by hard-line ultra-left wing activists. This has brought a fairly calm and level-headed labour force to be marched onto the barricades in search of agreements all designed to force confrontation with the employer. We see the RMT, we watch as Unite threaten the very livelihoods they are supposed to represent as they stand impassive and intransigent before an Employer, whether it be BAA, BA, or the London Underground.


We should, by now, be used to ‘bolshie’ Unions talking up the ‘industrial action’ routine, every time they want more; more money, more time off, more ‘perks’. But I believe a step too far has been taken by the GMB union, paymaster of the Labour Party to the tune of £1.5 million in the first part of this year, when their spokesman stated that it could withhold its financial support if David Miliband or Ed Balls is chosen as the new leader. These people at the top of unions have wormed, twisted and bullied their way to the top of the union pile, and now they want to subvert a democratic process for the Labour Party leadership because they only support one of the three main contenders. I wonder if the average Union member agrees with the hard-left stance taken by their Representatives? I know what I would be planning if I were a Union member

What Was That Word Again?

Amnesty International is a worldwide movement of people who campaign for internationally recognized human rights for all., we are told!

Our supporters are outraged by human rights abuses but inspired by hope for a better world – so we work to improve human rights through campaigning and international solidarity.

We have more than 2.8 million members and supporters in more than 150 countries and regions and we coordinate this support to act for justice on a wide range of issues.

So now we all know what they stand for; for fairness, for human rights and against abuses. So I wonder why the Chairman of Finnish Amnesty International declares Israel, the ONLY Democracy in the Middle East, tobe a Scum State.

When called upon it, he removed the post, and tried to state that he was misquoted, but we know differently, don’t we?

Israel is not perfect, that Nation is the first to admit that, but there is, in that small beleagured nation, the very definition of the finest that Humanity produces; based upon the simple truth that they have to win every battle; the Arabs, the Palestinians, the rest of the surrounding scum only have to win one!


Lose my Temper? Me?

Memo to Paul McKay, Notts Council Service director:-

You stupid, uncaring, thick, foolish clown! Can’t you tell the truth? Can’t you state that your bloody department got it wrong? Can’t you even understand that you have cost this man his dignity?

You are not worth the sweat from this hero’s socks. You are the very epitome of a true ‘Jobsworth’

If this wounded veteran is not in possession of the correct badge in two days, you should be fired, along with all the other clowns who say they work for Notts. Council who have been involved in any way whatsoever in the disgraceful treatment dished out to this man who was grievously injured in the Service of his Country!

If That’s All There Is My Friends…

As in this United Kingdom, so in America.

Someone, somewhere must explain to me why politicians, especially politicians, seem to think that the world owes them a favour, a ‘freebie’, a ‘some’pun for nuttin’?

Is it because of the theory that they ‘own’ great power themselves, and if they use that power to reward their friends, their friends will in due course reward them? We all know of the businessmen who have been caught trying to influence politicians, and how stupid they look when called on their crimes. Because it is a crime; it is called bribery, in many forms and names it is true, but it all comes down to the same thing!If you wish to influence legislation, or policy, and you offer any form of merchandise, monetary or otherwise; that my friends, is corrupt activity, first name Bribery.

When Tony Blair accepted a £1 million ‘donation’ to the Labour Party coffers from a Formula One kingpin, he got exactly what he wanted from ‘Straight Guy’ Tony, which was an exemption for tobacco from the strict advertising rules about to be imposed on Formula One racing. The fact that the ‘donation’ was exposed, publicised and in the end returned is besides the point, it was bribery, pure and simple, and both the Formula One boss and Blair should have been hauled over the coals by the CPS. The fact that they didn’t receive anything more than a pile of unwelcome publicity is indicative of only one thing, the ‘great and good’ protect each other’s arseholes.

Over in New York, the vultures are hovering around Governor David Paterson and his ‘acceptance’ of four $425 tickets to watch the opening game at the new Yankee Stadium. Now he pulls down some $178,000 so he isn’t exactly on his uppers, so why would he place his job on the line for the equivalent of one-hundredth of his yearly pay? Is he uneducated? I don’t think so; you don’t get to be Governor without having at least most of the apples in the barrel. Is he mean? Didn’t he want to pay for the top-rank tickets because they were too pricy? Is he just plain stupid? Possibly yes, because he tried to pay with a cheque back-dated and signed by someone else!

The list of venal and criminal politicians goes on, and on. Perhaps we should amend old Boss William’s line and simply‘first, shoot all the politicians’!